Senseless Syndrome

ramanujam January 3rd, 2006

Butter, Vennai, makhan, burro, beurre, mantequilla etc (all mean the same!!!), these are the words which loiter around my mind when the thought about this YOU-KNOW-WHAT university and its soaking siblings is invoked inside (got those translations from the new ENCARTA 2006, Microsoft simply rocks!!!). This is predominantly because of its unruly policies and also myriad other facets imposed upon the students by this academia right from the sucking dress code predicament to the recent ban of cell phones, at least the latter has got some concern with education but irrefutably the former is inept.

Still there are a plethora of opportunities and benefits by being a part of this academy or one among the 4, 76,90,345 engineering colleges of Chennai which are under this university such as “How to complete reading a book on Advanced Microprocessors by Thiru.Thanikachalam (local author, where he almost copies everything from a foreign author with some formatting and almost every student prefers this moron’s work) in less than 48 hours” .The number is still growing with the university coming up new schemes commissioned under its new regulations such as

I. Any individual or trust which owns a plinth area of around 500 sq ft is entitled to start an engineering college by paying a lump sum registration fee of Rs.22.56 (includes Rs.2.56 which is equal to 10.2% of the total amount payable to the government as tax).
II. This 500 sq ft odd area is to be partitioned into as many number of class rooms possible depending on the strength of the college and also the building.
III.The college should be sited within 100 km from the city so that the students can travel on a daily basis easily and attend the college without much travel strain.
IV. Also the college can arrange transport facilities by acquiring some 7th or 8th hand buses from outsiders (preferably PTC for their good maintenance) by charging the students a nominal transportation fee of Rs.25000 to Rs.30000 which has been recommended by Justice Mr.Nollamani committee after rigorous research done by this 72 man bench.
V. The university’s latest festive offer, for every three affiliations obtained six affiliation certificates are given for free.

Rush up and avail this limited period offer captioned “You 2 can start an engineering college”. The ultimate aim of this MISSION SHIT is that by the end of the year 2010 every family in tamilnadu should have an engineering college of its own. For more details and to be a part of the mission type shit (i.e.) S-H-I-T and send an SMS to 3636.Standard charges apply.

In order to get a better understanding of the university I have tried to help you out in the form of these…

Frequently Asked Questions

A. The dress code is to be implemented austerely with new rules laid down hence forth. All the circuit branch students are instructed to wear underwear of #FF36F3 colour only on all days and the underwear of the students of other streams should be of #FF45F6 colour with prescribed design patterns only. Surprise checks would be done during break and lunch hours and students not following the colour conventions would be stripped off without more ado. All college principals have been instructed to display the design patterns in the main block notice board and students are advised to refer to the same.

Q. How about the examinations?

A. As you enter the examination hall everyone is given an individual book (not for copying…it is empty), it is called as the answer book consisting 44 pages wherein you are required to fill as many pages as possible within three hours but the high point is that nobody tends to sit inside the hall for three hours and there are also some guys who could fill up only 6 1\2 pages of crap. If you tear the unused pages from all the answer books, we could prepare the electoral list with complete bio data of all Indians for the next 20 years.

Q. How about the evaluation method and something they call as revaluation?

A. With regards to evaluation, I think they weigh the answer books. Oops! Sorry, my mistake! All books have the same weight. I think they have some other complicated method. Revaluation is a process in which on an average 96.34% of the evaluated scripts have to undergo that intricate process one more time after paying some bullshit bucks to the university.

Q. I think there is something called lab examinations and internal assessments.

A. Oh Right, they are conducted at the finale of every semester and your score depends on a lot of murky factors such as sex, built, relative velocity, average strike rate with an additional 5 marks for every time you buy tea and good day biscuits for the examiner.
The most important verity is that if you had asked your examiner to f%$& off during your course tenure then you would be in a total FUBAR* situation during the results.

(*FUBAR-F%$&d Up Beyond All Recognition/Repair)

Q. Hmmm…ok, something about the recent floods and postponements.

A. Thanks are due to Mother Nature for striking indefatigably resulting in the university conducting the examinations in installments. The number of postponements was comparable with the number of times the alphabet ‘a’ is present in the names of Sri Lankan cricketers (sAngAkAArAAA, sAmArAweerAAA, jAyAsuryAAA…).Every match the ‘A’ scores a century despite the failure of the batsmen on a pro rata basis.
But still the failure of MALA was the most devastating, whitewashing a lot of system software answer books (the next day’s exam…)

Q. Anything else to say for future aspirants.

A. Ya. Good luck!

P.S: Stop…! After all , this is the one which has come forward to award a B.E. degree for me(hopes still alive!!!) and all the other aspirants studying in the 4,76,90,345 engineering colleges of Chennai. Long live the VeANNAi University

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